Only in Zambia...

I think I'm becoming so used to living here that nothing really suprises me any more, and I've found myself thinking nothing of incidents which prevoiusly would have had me in fits of laughter on the floor or chucking up in the toilet. There are some conversations I've had over the past few weeks which could only have happened here.

1 - Dog poo turns into plastic. Yes this is really what a fellow Zambian volunteer thinks happens. Gross.

2 - On a morning run a while ago I was stopped by a man and asked to pray for him as he get headaches (a very common complaint here, along with body ache). He says the doctors can't cure it. I suggest he drinks more water, his reation is that I'm a medical genius, followed with profound thanks and God's blessings. I think I'll start charging for such advice.

3 - Over Easter we were sharing a dorm with a witch doctor. Apparently he can cure HIV by 'negociating' with the virus. Unfortunatly he can't cure people on a mass scale as the US and British government would hunt him down and kill him because they've brought too many ARVs. As well as curing HIV he can massage my friend for tiredness (a kind offer she refused) and will pray that I soon fall pregnant. Not quite sure I'm ready for kids but that seems to be beside the point.

4 - Sitting in the staff room one morning before my lessons one of the male teachers walked in with a box a female condoms which had been sent in by another NGO. None of the teachers had ever seen them before, so demanded I opened one and showed them how it works. It was like taking a PSE class full of teenage boys, they were at the same time facinated and shy, with a lot of bloke jokes and condoms being waved about the place, but with about 15 adults who are normally pretty reserved. Half way through the headmistress popped in, looked around at what was going on, stayed to listen for a few minutes and walked out again, and then later congratulated me on teaching the teachers. Still not sure they'll take off here though.

5 - Another staff room conversation quickly developed into a question and answer session on sexual practices in the UK. Here in Zambia condoms are still pretty looked down upon, there are a lot of comments on eating a sweet with the wrapper on. There are a lot of strange sexual practices, many involving herbs and traditional medicine to dry the woman out, and others which seem to be a local version of viagral. It basically came down to explaining that whites like it wet while blacks like it dry, a point they were amazed by. I feel I will never be shy talking to anyone about anything again.

6 - This weekend just gone we ran a peer leader training camp at Mumbwa for 50 pupils from SPW schools in the district. I was put down to run the question and answer session, with 3 other volunteers. There were a lot of questions on sex and masterbastion, which 2 of my fellow volunteers felt necessary to explain with graphic hand movements just as the local Ministry of Education walked in. Classic timing.

7 - White people die from malaria while black people only die from HIV. Apparently a medical fact. From someone who wants to be a doctor.

8 - A missionary family from the States live in the same town as me. Over dinner one night one of the kids asked me 'Have you turned black yet?' Unfortunatly I think most of my tan is actually ingrained dirt

There have been plently of other hilarious and shocking incidents, but if I don't note them down they just seem to be lost in the haze of craziness which is living here, and many of them just become part of everyday normality. But I'm sure there will be many more to come!